Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
