3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
