i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
