lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
