Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
