At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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