You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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