remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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