The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
