Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize