I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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