Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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