getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
