What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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