someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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