When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
