Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
