This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
