I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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