bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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