is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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