Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
