what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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