just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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