I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
