he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
