Can Purell be used as lube?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
