i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
