Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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