I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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