apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
