I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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