Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
