wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
