if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
