do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
