if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
