also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
