sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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