So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
