How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize