had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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