While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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