Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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