No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
