You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
