I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
