My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
