I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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