You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
