I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize