You really coming over, don't trick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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