I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
