Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
