Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
