Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
