Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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