just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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