Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to make out with him forever
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
