Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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