My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
