im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
