I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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