Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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