Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
